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HILDEGARD ENTERS MY LIFE - Standing
on the Threshold
I first heard about Hildegard of Bingen in the early 1980’s
when I was a graduate student in vocal performance at the University
of Texas in Austin. A musicology professor referred to the 12th century
German abbess and mystic as one of the most noteworthy composers from
the Medieval period. Although the teacher only offered a few facts about
her music, something about the woman drew me in. I had to find out more.
Life intervened. I got busy, had my daughter Katie, and it was a few
more years before Hildegard resurfaced in my life. By then theologian
Matthew Fox had introduced her to the West in his book, “Illuminations
of Hildegard of Bingen.” Fox and other authors offered scholarly
glimpses into the life and work of this amazing woman. Yet I felt unsatisfied,
never quite in touch with her essence.
Hildegard wouldn’t leave me alone. I hungered for more. Then I
met Eleanor, a retired University of Texas professor and self-proclaimed
Hildegard nut. I visited Eleanor and, as we sat around drinking tea,
she told me stories about her studies and travels to Hildegard’s
abbey in Germany. She gave me my first recordings of Hildegard’s
music.When I found some of Hildegard’s music in modern manuscript
form I began learning snatches of her songs. Despite my efforts and
Eleanor’s encouragement, I felt uncomfortable, even intimidated
by, the complex chants.
As much as I tried, I couldn’t find a door into the heart of Hildegard.
I could feel the fluidity in the wisdom water of her melodies. Like
a timid surfer standing on the shore, I knew that something special
would happen if only I could jump in and ride the flowing waves of the
chants. Instead, I felt wooden, clunky. The singing felt hard. I tried
singing snatches of the complex chants which had been written over 900
years ago. Despite my efforts and Eleanor's encouragement, I felt intimidated
by Hildegard's music. As much as I tried, I couldn't find a door into
the heart of Hildegard.
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MEETING HILDEGARD
IN GERMANY - Moving Through the Portal
 Then
in 1999 Hildegard gave me the opening. My husband, Craig and I were
on a music tour in Germany and Italy that summer. I had brought along
information about the Abbey of St. Hildegard just in case we had time
to make a side trip.
Near the end of the 3-week tour, I was exhausted. But I knew I had to
visit Hildegard’s abbey. Craig and I took a boat down the Rhine
River to Rudesheim. We walked uphill for over an hour, winding our way
through the majestic vineyards that surrounded the abbey.
At the entrance to the abbey, I stopped to greet the statue of Hildegard.
Then Craig and I went into the sanctuary. I was trembling. We listened
as the cloistered nuns sang one of the daily offices. I was too overwhelmed
by emotion to sing that day.
The next morning I knew I had to go back. We cancelled a performance
and drove to the abbey. And I sang. Tears streamed down my face, my
knees buckled. Hildegard’s “Ave Generosa” streamed
through me as if I was an instrument she played for God’s glory.
Although I had been singing most of my life, this was the first time
I had ever been sung. When I finished singing, I sat and pulled my shawl
over my head. Rocking and crying, I was filled with awe. What I was
feeling was so pervasive and huge I couldn’t comprehend it. Even
today I can’t talk about my experience that morning in Rudesheim
without crying. Until then I had been collecting information and singing
her music from the outside. That morning Hildegard invited me in.
Outside the abbey, as we walked down the hill to the car, I told Craig,
“I’m going back to Austin and I’m going to give circles
of women the opportunity to sing Hildegard’s music.”
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HOW HILDE GIRLS GOT STARTED - Taking
Hildegard Home
A few weeks after I returned from Germany, I made plans for the first
Hildegard singing circle in Austin. I enlisted a friend who booked the
sanctuary of a local Episcopal church one night a week for 10 weeks.
We put up fliers around town that invited women to “Be a feather
on the breath of God,” a phrase Hildegard used to describe her
relationship with Spirit.
As I prepared for this first session, I wondered how to introduce a
group of untrained singers to Hildegard’s music, which can be
intimidating for even the most skilled vocalist. How could I help the
women learn the songs in a way that would be easy and fun? How could
I guide them to embody those long, breath-demanding melodies?
In my years of classical music training I had developed a disciplined
approach to learning. Repeating snippets of an elaborate aria or art
song became a meditative practice. I was drawn back to the practice
room everyday by the timeless activity of singing one phrase over and
over, mastering it before moving on to the next. This seemed like an
approach that I could use with the women who would come to meet Hildegard.
To my delight and surprise, 30 women showed up that first night and
away we went. The women pulled their chairs into a circle near the altar
of our beautiful sanctuary. Hildegard’s spirit and her rich, sensuous
music drew us together.
I began with a phrase from Hildegard’s, “Ave Generosa”
which translates, “I bow to your noble heart that contains the
quality of the rose.” We sang that one phrase until it vibrated
throughout our bodies and revealed its deep meaning to our inner spirits.
One evening after we had been singing for awhile, I looked around
and saw the childlike glee shining from the women’s faces. From
within me a joyful innocence bubbled up and I squealed, “We’re
HILDE GIRLS!” I had never planned on using such a politically
incorrect term for these women’s circles. Yet that night, and
every time I gather with women in the heart of Hildegard’s music,
I know that we are her darling daughters and this term of loving affection
seems just perfect.
As the weeks went on we built trust and intimacy on the foundation of
Hildegard’s magical tones. When we completed this first 10-week
Hilde Girls session, the women wanted to continue. I have been offering
these circles in one form or another ever since that first gathering
in the fall of 1999.
 Women
outside of Texas learned about Hilde Girls and I accepted invitations
to lead  weekend
retreats in locations across the country. In 2002 I took my first group
on a pilgrimage to Hildegard’s abbey in Germany where we had a
profound, life changing experience and recorded a CD of the chants we
sang throughout the retreat. During that visit, we began a relationship
with Sr. Hiltrod from the abbey. She invited us to sing there for Hildegard’s
Feast Day celebration on September 17, 2004.
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THE MYSTERY OF HILDEGARD'S MUSIC - Entering the Mystery
The Hilde Girls experience floats in the mystery that surrounds
Hildegard, a mystic whose visions inspired her music, writings, drawings
and teachings. Hildegard was not a trained musician. She claimed that
she received her songs from what she called “the Living Light.”
Hildegard's powerful music is like a seed lying dormant beneath the
soil in a 900-year autumn. As her songs burst forth into the spring
of the 21st century, they bring new light into our consciousness. Because
it is so pure, her music helps us remember and listen to the truth of
our devoted hearts.
Of all the different kinds and styles of music I have ever sung, nothing
has ever moved me like her inspired compositions. Her melodies flow
up and down the scale like a joyous mountain brook. They require us
to deeply tune in, listen and source from the heart’s voice. Women
instinctively know how to do this. We do it every time we sing a lullaby
and comfort a loved one.
The language of Hildegard’s music contributes to the mystery.
Singing in Latin enables Hilde Girls to suspend judgments and move beyond
the intellectual overtones of commonly used words. Heart-connected students
of her texts are awed by the poetic sensuousness and reverence she conveys.
Many women show up for a Hilde Girls experience convinced that they
can’t sing. One of my favorite stories happened on the opening
night of a weekend retreat in Dallas. A participant took me aside, determined
to convince me she was tone deaf. She said quite confidently, “I
just wanted to let you know that I know you’re going to be singing
this weekend but I don’t sing. So I’ll be enjoying it but
just don’t be offended if I’m not singing.” I looked
at her and said, “That will never do. Come with me, please.”
I took her hand and we went off to a private spot. I positioned two
chairs so we could sit facing the same direction. We closed our eyes
and I asked her to sound and hold a note. I joined her on the note.
She changed the note and I came to find her there. After a few times
we switched roles - I sang a note and asked her to sing that note with
me. Within five minutes she went from someone who had not even sung
“Happy Birthday” in her whole life to a weeping, sobbing
joy bunny who came to believe what I know to be true – singing
is a birthright and we are all singers.
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MUSIC AS MEDICINE - Healing through One
Heart, One Voice
The type of connection we make in these circles is so holistic I
call it “One Heart, One Voice.” Singing these songs in community
invites each woman to participate from her own spirit. When women's
spirits become One Heart, One Voice, healing takes place on many levels.
Hildegard’s music is medicine. I cannot claim that becoming a
Hilde Girl will cure a specific ailment. I will say that if you’re
interested in Spirit and wholeness, this music is going to help you.
Women who have attended a Hilde Girls session relate improved symptoms
from physical illnesses. Most women talk about the healing in their
hearts manifested as a renewed ability to receive and give love. And
the effects linger long after the singing fades. A gathering of Hilde
Girls becomes a Sabbath whether for a few hours, a weekend or an extended
retreat. The singing enables us to bypass the ever-active mind and downshift
from the warp-speed pace of being mother, friend, lover, and professional.
Real answers can be revealed as we get still and rest in the rich soil
of our hearts.
By singing and sharing from our hearts we form nurturing bonds that
promote safety and trust. Hilde Girls often partner with “courage
buddies” or work in small groups to tell personal stories and
express feelings too intimate to bring to the larger group. Each woman
gives herself permission to go as deeply as she wants into the music,
and into her own heart, and to bring back to the group what she is called
to share.
 I
want so much for people to have access to each other’s wisdom.
It is so easy to believe those shadow voices that tell us we aren’t
good enough. Hildegard instructed, “Tunc tu clamas clara voce
--- Now you claim in clear voice.” Her music, and the interaction
of women in circles, enable us to reconnect with who we are, claim that
truth and share it lovingly with others.
Once we feel safe we have an opportunity to be in love together. There
is nothing that women love more than being in love - being in love with
life, with the Divine, with the wonder and beauty of the moment. Each
Hilde Girl embodies the Divine mystery alive in each of us. As we sing,
share and rest together, we grow closer to the Great Mother, the feminine
face of God that engenders compassion, empathy, patience and love for
all beings.
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HILDE GIRLS - WHAT WE DO - Creating
and Evolving
 Although
Hildegard’s music is rooted in Christian theology, the women who
join a Hilde Girls circle come from all spiritual traditions. They bring
their views and experiences into a space where all backgrounds and beliefs
are honored.
Every Hilde Girls group is different. I come with no fixed formula as
I escort each woman into a place where she can reclaim her sacred self.
Instead, I call on my intuitive wisdom, extensive leadership experience
and musical attunement to read and respond to the needs of each woman
in the circle.
I pray and listen for guidance about themes that weave together music,
movement and the mood of the season. One of my favorites is “Viriditas.”
Literally translated as “the greening,” Hildegard coined
this word to refer to the pure potential of every person’s spirit.
This is a particularly potent image for a springtime workshop when new
life bursts forth in vibrant shades of green.
“Sol Sisters – Illuminated Essence” came to me as
the perfect theme for a summer solstice gathering. During a “Sweet
Moon Music” weekend we celebrated the full moon using Hildegard’s
phrases. Other themes that have shaped retreats and ongoing sessions
are “Caritas: Living life as love in action,” “Sabbath:
Rest and renewal for harvesting wisdom,” and “Fire and Ice:
Burning through the veils of illusion into the essence of love.”
The common ingredients for all Hilde Girls experiences are singing,
sacred movement, listening, and sharing, all of which are punctuated
by laughter, tears and reflection. Beyond that, I dance creatively with
any group of women who wants to experience the mystery and healing available
through Hildegard’s music.
My personal numinous experience in the Abbey of St. Hildegard in 1999
guided me to create Hilde Girls. I now co-create the evolving vision
with women whose lives are transformed by finding their voices in song.
Plans for ongoing groups in Maryland, Tennessee, Oregon, Chicago, New
York and Boston are in the works. Another pilgrimage to Germany is being
planned along with retreats in France and Holland. I have been incorporating
labyrinth walks, creative writing, art therapy and other forms of expression
as requests and needs arise.
I’ve been privileged to witness the changes that women experience
during and after they participate in a Hilde Girls circle. Everyone
wants to feel more alive and I think women are in the forefront of the
movement to reawaken this yearning to connect with Spirit. Singing and
sharing together are so natural for women that once this inner knowing
is tapped, they return to their families and communities with renewed
courage and wisdom, eager to share both with all whom they meet.
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